Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What a dumb baby whore.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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