apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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