At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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