So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
