Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
