I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize