I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
