but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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