can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
