Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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