I am in a vortex of obligation.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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