We got so high we made milksteak
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
