Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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