I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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