Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
