I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
