Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
