But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
