Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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