My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
