By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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