Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
