history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize