so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my shit smells like andre
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
