Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize