he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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