3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
