So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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