went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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