I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
