I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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