im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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