just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
