i just google imaged poop.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Come on in and take your pants off
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