i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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