I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
