Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
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I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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