Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
