saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
