just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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