can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
