fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I intend to get homeless drunk
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?