tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?