You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.