Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now