you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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