Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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