Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
