Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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