1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
