dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life