The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.