My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
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Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard