anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks