I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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