My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
