you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
In America we eat man semen.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
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Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won