I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I need moral support for this bender
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.